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MARCH 10TH, 1989 - The Church  opens in Medieval times where a religious order, the Teutonic Knights who, at the behest of the Church w...

Sunday, October 20, 2013


Walking Dead S3/Ep. 1
1 Hr/2013
eye gouging and mutilation +2 (?)

Really good episode.  Too many commercials.

4/5 zombie rain drops
4 pts(?)

Return of the Living Dead
91 min/1985
Full frontal nudity +1

HIlarious "sequel" to Night of the Living Dead

4/5 Nude Quigleys
3 pts

83 min/1989
Bruce Campbell Bonus +1

Fun slasher from the some of the makers of the Evil Dead franchise featuring Sam and ted Rami and Bruce Campbell follows the last night of staff of a local grocery store that's shutting down and the bloody mayhem that ensues.

3/5 bloody grocery bags
3 pts

82 min/1986

Awesome flick from my childhood about these little space monsters that crash on earth and eat everything in sight and must be destroyed by 2 faceless bounty hunters.

5/5 space porcupine quills
2 pts

Lost Boys
97 min/1987

Another childhood classic! A new family moves into town and the older brother is recruited by vampires while the little brother is recruited by the hunters

5/5 Michaels
2 pts

Friday the 13th VII - The New Blood
88 min/1988

Eye gouging +1
Household power tool +1 (insane weedwacker/tree cutter)

I love Friday the 13th, but by this time, they were running out of ideas.  Let's do "Carrie" vs Jason. haha.  The real saving grace of this film was Kane Hodder's grotesque, zombified Jason.

4/5 Zombie Jasons
4 pts

Friday the 13th VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan
100 min/1989

Eye gouging +1

Really lame entry into the franchise.  Out of ideas now.

2/5 toxic waste barrels
2 pts.

Maniac Cop II
90 min/1990

Bruce Campbell +1

Undead supercop Matt Cordell returns to exact revenge on those who framed him.  Although I love the first one, part two is my fave of the series.  I'm a big Robert Davi fan and he was a perfect hardboiled cop.  Also, the scene where Cordell just goes psych in the police station is amazing.

3 pts.

Castle Freak
90 min/1995

Genital Mutilation +1
Full Frontal Nudity +1
Cannibalism +1

Really good Stuart Gordon flick starring Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton.  I only saw this quite recently for the first time when I bought it at the exchange. Violent with good FX.

3.5/5 Inherited Italian Castles
5 pts

89 min/1982

Released unrated +1
Full Frontal nudity +1
Genital Mutilation +1
Stitching together the pieces to make a mom doll +1  (this should be considered a bonus)

A boy hacks up his mother then grows up trying to put the pieces back together again via young coeds. Some of the best gore I've seen in a horror film.

4/5 crushed nuts
6 pts

Jason Goes to Hell
87 min/1993

Cannibalism +1

The definitive death of Jason via mystical means.  I liked this movie as a kid, but watching it recently, yeesh.  Best part was still the melting man, and Freddy grabbing the hockey mask and pulling it under the ground.  Also a nice cameo of the Necronomicon.  maybe Jason Vs Ash isn't far off since he may be a deadite.

3/5 Dead Jasons
3 pts.

Jason X
91 min/2001

Liquid Nitrogen Kill should be a +1 (most unique kill of the franchise)

Jason didn't go to hell.  He was captured by David Cronenberg and held in The Crystal Lake Research Facility under government control because of his regenerative abilities.  A cryogenics accident occurs and Jason as well as his last "victim" are frozen for 400 yrs and are thawed out on a space ship.

2.5/5 Robo-Jasons
3 pts.

89 min/2012

Full frontal nudity +1
(I think the soundtrack should be a +1, but won't put up a fight)

Frank Zito has mommy issues, and much like Norman Bates, when he gets too close to a woman, it spells disaster.  I absolutely loved this film.

5/5 real hair mannequins
4 pts.

Henry: Portrait of a serial Killer
83 min/1986

Michael Rooker +1
Eye Gouge +1
household items (death by TV) +1
Full frontal nudity +1

Very dark and disturbing look at killer Henry Lee Lucas, brilliantly portrayed by Michael Rooker.

5/5  VHS cams
6 pts.

Silver Bullet
95 min/1985

Eye gouge by rocket +1

Totally bitchin' werewolf movie starring the late, great, Corey Haim in his heyday, Gary Busey, and Everitt Mcgill.  Based on the Stephen King story.  The town of Tarker's Mills is being stalked and shredded by a beast, a literal wolf in sheep's clothing.  The scene where the whole congregation turns into werewolves is still creepy as hell.

5/5 Gasoline powered wheelchairs
3 pts

64 min/1932

Mutilation (they turn Cleo into a "peacock" +1)

MGM's most notorious film they ever released featuring actual sideshow "freaks" all of whom I love.  It doesn't pay to mess with one of us, as the beautiful Cleo and  Strong Man Hercules found out.

5/5 Step Right Ups
2 pts

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